These clean chits will be issued to anyone for the asking, but, of course, for a price. For VVVIPs it is priced at Rs 10 lakhs each; for VVIPs it will be Rs 5 lakhs each and for all others, it will be Rs 1 lakh each
There is so much demand for clean chits these days that I have decided to set up a factory in Ghaziabad to manufacture them. The company will be incorporated as Clean Chit Company of India Ltd (CCCIL) and will be publicly listed. My friend Rakesh Jhunjhunwala has assured me that the public issue will be oversubscribed at least 500 times over. The board of directors will have such illustrious persons like Nirav Modi, Lalit Modi, Mehul Choksi, Ravi Parthasarathy, Chanda Kochhar and Usha Ananthasubramaniam. I sounded old buddy Vijay Mallya, but he confided that he is busy making arrangements for his fourth marriage so can’t spare time. To be politically correct I may induct MJ Akbar, but it all depends on Priya Ramani.
The media has got wind of my startup and a reporter asked, rather dumbly, why I am floating this venture. I shot back: ” Why not?? Why should the Election Commission have a monopoly over them?” In any case, the competition will do a helluva good to the sagging economy at a time when the quarterly results of most companies are positive embarrassments.
A reporter asked if there will be demand for clean chits after the elections. Of course, there will be considering the fact that so many eminent persons, including judges, are being accused of molestation and worse.
These clean chits will be issued to anyone for the asking, but, of course, for a price. For VVVIPs it is priced at Rs 10 lakhs each; for VVIPs it will be Rs 5 lakhs each and for all others, it will be Rs 1 lakh each. You may ask why they are so highly priced. But, why not? The netas and others take clean chits and loot us even more. So they better pay.
The clean chits will be available either in double colour or printed in four colours with lamination or plain but on art paper. The online facility will also be available through my company portal. You can type the wordings of the clean chit the way you want and print it. So effectively you can type out your own clean chit!! Can anything be more democratic than this?? Of course, online payment has to be done before you take out the print out.
A reporter asked if there will be demand for clean chits after the elections. Of course, there will be considering the fact that so many eminent persons, including judges, are being accused of molestation and worse. In fact, I am toying with the idea of having a competition of persons who have received a large number of clean chits. The participants can sashay down the ramp with the clean chits hanging around their necks. I may sound Hindustan Lever to be the platinum sponsor since it has been saying ‘Daag Accha Hai’ all these years. Cyrus Broacha will be roped in as the brand ambassador provided he takes this new assignment seriously.
Note:
1. The views expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of PGurus.
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The EC is full of thick skinned persons and satires won’t work on beasts.