Satire

My letter series: Dear Chicago Council…If They Don’t Have Bread, Let Them Eat Cake (with apologies to Marie Antoinette)

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We can sit here In USA and pass judgement on the validity of such draconian laws in countries like India!

It has been 2 years, nearly, since the Prime Minister of India deviously passed the Citizenship Amendment Bill to make it a law (CAA). To send innocent opposition parliamentarians on an international trip and then pass this bill during their absence was, some would say a masterstroke, while others would claim this was devious. Be that as it may, the fact that a country could legalize communities that were, admittedly minorities in their countries of origin, but a majority within India is blasphemous. How can a country that claims to be “secular” be so blatantly “unsecular” that they were going to grant citizenship to the “suffering Hindus, Sikhs, Christians and Jews” from neighbouring countries like Afghanistan, Pakistan and Bangladesh? Just because girls and women from these communities were being maimed, kidnapped, raped and murdered didn’t necessitate such action. This happens every day in the USA and you don’t see any country asking the victims here to migrate? After all, the ONLY country allowed to do such “humanitarian” acts is the U.S of A! How could this man dare to trample on these acts of kindness which only the Gods’ Own Country is allowed to perform???

To compare this act to the Lautenberg Act is ridiculous[1]! This act reeks of communalism while the Lautenberg Act is magnanimity at its’ best!! Please! They are NOT EVEN close! Lets’ not get into the technicalities as these are mangled and confusing; who would know better about these laws than the just, honest and pacifism believing Council of American Islamic Relations (CAIR) and the equally just and honest Equality Labs? Never mind that the Equality Labs claim to be an organization for anyone, not Christian, Jewish, Hindu or any other such community but should NECESSARILY belong to Islam and communities that believe in violent proselytizing of people. That is just to attract people! In reality…apologies, that is the reality but that shouldn’t matter!!! After all, if reality mattered than most politicians would be out of touch with it.

Once they get their green cards and citizenship and get jobs, they can think of moving to more inhabitable cities like Chicago and it’s vicinity. Till then, they can live in the comfortable settings of North Dakota.

Coming back to India, people there WANT that the 1.35 billion population rise to 1.5 or even 2 billion with resources not being sufficient to support them. So what if, out of those 2 billion people, India has over 600 million illegal immigrants who live there without paying taxes? The government and its’ followers want the population to live a life of relative comfort!! What a ridiculous thing to want! Relative to what? The poverty that existed previously? Poverty, as that great philosopher Rahul Gandhi said, is a state of mind. If one thinks he is poor, then he IS poor, whereas if he thinks he IS NOT poor, he is abundantly rich!! So what if that person can’t buy food? That is a country of yogis, snake charmers and mystics who can survive just on water and air!!!

In the United States of America, don’t we have people that want for food, water, electricity and heat? Don’t we let them live, and die, without blinking an eye? What is this new thing that people have started asking for? Silly little inconsequential things like food, money, clothing and housing! People, the world over, have been pampered to the point where they have begun to ask for things that they don’t need. Next, they’ll be asking for jobs and respect! To them, all we can do is (condescendingly) look (down) at them.

I suggest we move these so-called illegal immigrants, from India to the USA and lodge them in Idaho. After all, there’s nothing in Idaho except potatoes. Come to think of it, I like potatoes and the fries that we can make from them! Yum!! Scratch that idea! Let’s move them to North Dakota where the people know of only two weathers: Snow and Blizzards. These “guests from India” will learn to cope with this weather “non-issue”! Once they get their green cards and citizenship and get jobs, they can think of moving to more inhabitable cities like Chicago and it’s vicinity. Till then, they can live in the comfortable settings of North Dakota.

We don’t have to provide them with heat, water or food. Wanting an education for their children? Why? It’s not like they’re going to be the next Steve Jobs! They came from India, for cryin’ out loud! This is America! Just being an American should make them proud!!! Living close to Chicago should be enough to make their day, although we don’t want them too close or they will dirty our posh neighbourhoods!!

Come to think of it, let them stay in India. We can sit here and pass judgement on the validity of such “draconian” laws in countries like India! We don’t need more people from India moving here to the U.S of A!! Don’t we have enough of them, taking our jobs, homes, driving in luxury cars while we, the common people in the USA fight for a salary, food and respect? NO!!! Here I go, asking for the same things that I was screaming against!! I guess that’s a result of my Indian origins.

God Bless The U.S of A.

Note:
1. The views expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of PGurus.

References:

[1] CAA has corollary in US’ Lautenberg AmendmentJan 18, 2020, Economic Times

Kumar Sridhar

Kumar Sridhar is a full time IT professional who is also a blogger, columnist and an avid sports fan! He lives with his family in New Jersey, USA.

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