My New Letter Series – Dear Pakistani People, A Serious Heart To Heart With Those Of You That Know & Understand English

Dear Pakistani People, if you do focus on the points I have mentioned, your country’s economy will probably head up in the next 15-20 years!

Kumar Sridhar

June 2, 2023

Dear Pakistani People,

BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER, I HAVE TRIED TO COPY THE PUNJABI ACCENT IN THE URDU SENTENCES. I AM NOT AS GOOD AT DOING THIS (FOR OBVIOUS REASONS) AS MAJOR GAURAV ARYA.

I usually make fun of you, your politicians, and, well, basically everything about your country. However, sometimes (SOMETIMES), I get serious and think (occasionally) about various aspects of life. No, I am not becoming philosophical, just that life gets to me. Anyways, I was thinking about your country. No, I’m not changing allegiances; I’m still, what you guys call, a Kafir and a Kattar Hindu. Having said that, my reason to think about your country is this, and I’m sure every sane intellectually stable Indian will agree with me, we DO NOT want Akhand Bharat. After all, which sane person would want 220 million MORE radicalized people in a country, that already has 1.4 billion people?? We want Pakistan to be the country as it is today. Let me explain what I mean: India would still like to have Pakistan as its’ neighbor, if only to show the world the difference between development and backwardness. In the meanwhile, what you, as a nation, need to focus on are the following:

One of the prominent Indian analysts, Tilak Devasher, mentioned the need for WEEP. No, he’s not asking you to cry but is an acronym (I don’t know how to put this in simple English so look it up in the English – Urdu Translator) for Water-Education-Economy-Population. We will discuss Water at a later date after India shuts down your water supply. The need for Education (Taaleem is what you call it in Urdu) is of extreme need. Your educated people, all 100 of them (in a population of 220 million) seem to be of the opinion that, in the event of a war, “Ham Endia ko sabak sikhadenge.” (We’ll teach India a lesson). Gone are the days when people came on horseback with swords. The technological advances that India has made in the past 10 years ensure that god forbid, in the event of a war, India would finish you within 3-5 days! “Ham atami takat han” (We’re an atomic power) will NOT work. Remember, India is also an atomic power. Remember Zulfi Bhutto’s famous line: Hum ghas Khalenge but atom bomb banake rahenge (we will eat grass but will make the atom bomb). He was right on both counts! You did get the atom bomb (not getting into how AQ Khan got the blueprints) and, more importantly, YOU ARE EATING GRASS TODAY!! Unless you have gotten used to grass as a staple diet, I’d recommend that rather than get involved in a war, here’s what you all SHOULD do:

Educate yourself: No, I don’t mean head to the nearest madrasa. The madrasas are the main reason you’re in the state you’re currently in. Get a formal education in a socially contributing area. Examples are Engineering, Medicine, Business Management, and STAY AWAY from Political Science (I’m not sure why they call it that since there’s really no science in politics; especially not in the politics that is currently in vogue in your country). Once you do get your degree, DO NOT head out West looking to spread your wings. The truth is, in trying to spread your wings, you end up spreading your mazhub (religion). The West has gotten tired of your religion.

The average Indian has completed her/ his matriculation (NOT FROM A MADRASA) most likely from a state-run school or has completed her/ his undergraduate degree. In comparison, your average Pakistani has DEFINITELY completed her/ his education from the local madrasa.

Stay in your country and make sure that the youth (anyone younger than you, unlike people that call your Foreign Minister a youth or the former President of the Indian National Congress, Rahul Gandhi as a youth icon) get educated in socially accepted areas as I mentioned above.

Economy: Your mahishut (I think that’s what you call Economy, in Urdu) is in quite a pickle. No, I am not talking about Achar so stop salivating. A country’s economy grows (or, in your case, collapses) when people have (or have not) paid their taxes. India, about a decade ago, had a large portion of the population that, like all y’all, didn’t pay their taxes. With all the reforms, organizational involvement, and technology, that has changed. No, I am not saying everyone in India pays taxes. We still have a section of the people that are trying to undermine the system but the numbers have decreased significantly. The economy also grows when a country exports its’ products, bringing in valuable USD. For an agrarian country, to import food (and let it rot at the port) is, well, unimaginable. But, that’s exactly what’s happening with your country. You’ve built SO MANY DHA’s (Defense Housing Authority), “buying” the agricultural land from “willing farmers”, that there’s no place to grow any kind of produce. The land that WAS NOT sold to the DHAs was gifted to retired army officials and government officials.

Population: Every time, one of those freelance YouTubers asks why India is progressing and your country is NOT, your standard answer seems to be “Unki Abadi badi han” (India has a bigger population), forgetting that Bangladesh (used to be East Pakistan till ’71) is far more advanced than you, and has a significantly less population than you. So, the answer is, stop having families with 30-40 children. Restrict your urges and family size to not more than 2. You will have the satisfaction, not sexual satisfaction undoubtedly, of raising and educating responsible citizens of your country. Those that will definitely contribute to your Mahishut (economy). When your country was formed, there were maybe 40-50 million people. In the span of 75 years, it has grown to 220 million (and counting). Before you bring India’s population count, remember, India’s Education and Economy ARE FAR BETTER THAN YOURS! People became socially aware of the need for smaller families and have focused more on the need for formal education of their children. Your country has, unfortunately, people, in power, who have families that compete with Laloo Prasad Yadav’s family (and that’s not a compliment).

Now, let me throw a bonus in for you (buy 3 get something free). Here’s what you, as people of Pakistan, SHOULD NOT BE doing:

Birth of Pakistan, NOT INDEPENDENCE: Your country didn’t exist, prior to August 14, 1947. India gained independence because India existed prior to the British coming to “visit” India and then overstaying their welcome! So, stop saying, in your inimitable Punjabi accent, “ham ek saat azaad hue”! Not true at all, but you seem to revel in lies. That should stop.

Compare Yourself to India: At what point do you stop comparing yourself to India? The two countries are leagues apart! While India competes with the best in the world, well you’re competing with Somalia, Ethiopia, and a few others. You probably observed that I didn’t mention Afghanistan! That’s because their currency is over 3 times yours! That means, if an Afghan exchanges his currency for yours, for every Afghani, he gets over 3 of your PKR.

Jazba and Atom Bomb: You constantly talk about Jazba (passion) like it’s restricted to your country. Believe it or not, the same Jazba exists in India (probably more). That Jazba is what drives Indians to excel in every field and has made them leaders of organizations and, yes, countries.

Atom bomb hasn’t put ANY food on your table (in simple Urdu, apke pas khane ke liye atom bomb ke alava kuch Nahi hai). Stop telling people that “ham aatmi takat hain”(we are a nuclear power). You have NEVER heard any Indian say the same thing. That’s because Indian people know the devastation that bombs can cause.

If you do focus on the points I have mentioned, your country’s economy will probably head up in the next 15-20 years! Yep, it takes that long for an economy to develop. In the meanwhile, I’d recommend greasing the palms of the IMF officials (they’re very well paid by the IMF, but no harm in trying), the World Bank (led by an Indian), and anyone else that is willing to listen to your woes. I forgot you don’t have the money to grease any palms! Well, send Bilawal (Billo Rani) or Shabby Sharief to ask for dole-outs. You’ve gotten used to it and people recognize you from a mile away. No wonder Saudi Arabia has said, No More Hand-Outs/ Dole Outs. Good luck persuading them, and the other Musalman Ummah (Muslim brethren) to help you out.

Note:
1. Text in Blue points to additional data on the topic.
2. The views expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of PGurus.

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