My New Letter Series – Dear Former PM Shabby (Shehbaz), Hope You’re Doing Well

Shabby, people in your country don't understand your value, they only remember the statement you made asking for the post-mortem report of Imran Khan Imran's leg

Kumar Sridhar

December 28, 2023

Shabby, people in your country don't understand your value, they only remember the statement you made asking for the post-mortem report of Imran Khan Imran's leg

Dear Shehbaz,

It’s been about 4-6 months since you left (at least it feels like it) the PRESTIGIOUS position of Prime Minister of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan. Over the year or more that you were chief servitor to the country, although many falsely claim you were chief servitor to the Army Chief, you did some wonderful things. I mean, people from your country don’t understand your value. The only thing they remember is the statement you made, asking for the post-mortem report for Imran Khan’s leg injury. I mean, it was a slip of the tongue. You meant to say Autopsy report.

Some of the things that you DEFINITELY should be remembered for are:

Bringing Democracy back: Before your advent as the Prime Minister (PM), it was definitely a case of musical chair! The song was being played by the #1 ARMY IN THE WHOLE WORLD, as your people claim. The person who judged the competition was the reputable ISI. By the way, I tried looking for some competition that was conducted and your army won, but you know the internet is controlled by the US of A and the Israeli people. They would never allow such information to percolate into the news media. Similar is the situation with the #1 AGENCY, ISI. But, as always, I digress.

You did ask for the information ministry to process any requests for visas from various overseas agencies and asked the Foreign Secretary to monitor the various media channels and ensure they gave favorable, AND CORRECT, information about your government’s work. It wasn’t your fault that NO ONE wanted to visit Pakistan! You did an, as always, outstanding job marketing your esteemed country, but no fish would bite. Change that to no one wanted to visit! But, what you did beats the previous government, Immi’s government, which had a Lawyer sitting as Science & Technology Minister (Fawad Chowdhary) or the indomitable Sheikh Rasheed sitting as the Railway Minister, for a single train system (plying from Karachi to Lahore). At least you had the right people for the right jobs!!

Education Was Treated As Top Priority: You invested hard-begged, err hard-earned, USD in bringing education to your people. World-class PITs (Pakistan Information Technology), comparable to the run-of-the-mill IITs were opened up. People were encouraged to fall into these PITs. Scratch that. Seek admission to these reputable institutions. How were you supposed to know that the people running these reputable institutions were Maulanas who quickly changed the PIT to MITJANA (Maulana Institute of Technology, Journalism And Nuclear Appliances)? These institutions, surprisingly, feature equally competitive courses and research areas, as compared to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT). Case in point, Computer Engineering. Everyone, and her/his grandmother, knows computer programming! Your MITJANA features courses in hacking into defense establishments. Not your fault that these students hacked into your own agencies and were quickly neutralized. You had to save face and call them TTP terrorists and say they were India-sponsored.

The journalists coming out of the MITJANA did an outstanding job propagating your peaceful community. Some statements that they made showed the level of maturity NOT found in other religions. Like, for example, claims that “non-Muslims” have adopted the writings from the holiest of holy books! The Bible, the Torah, and the Geeta order people to kill anyone that doesn’t believe in the writings present in those books, and, forgive me for saying this, screw humanity!!

Social Welfare Programs: Every citizen was given the opportunity to get subsidized wheat and rice from governmental stores. This was only because there is a drought and flooding (not sure how the two can go together but journalists from the above-mentioned institution have said so, and that’s very authentic news! NO ONE need to doubt the veracity of these statements)! How were you responsible for the #1 army which considered wheat and rice as THEIR SOLE property and never passed it down to people? Oh, they did? OHHH!!! Fawad Chowdhary took all of it! For ONE MEAL!! That’s stretching it a wee bit, Shabby, would you agree?

You also brought petrol from Russia to your country at subsidized prices, as YOU HAD PROMISED! You bought this at a 30% discount, JUST LIKE INDIA DID!! Again, HOW were you responsible for the Russians sending this crude oil to India, where it was modified to suit your country’s needs, and supplied to you at 40% PRICE HIKE??? I mean, the Baniyas sitting in India seem to have connections everywhere, and THAT’S ABSOLUTELY NOT FAIR!! It should be downright illegal!! How could you be sure the Baniyas didn’t add a little Gau Mutra (Cow Urine)into this oil, just to spite you????

There are SOO MANY more areas that have your distinct fingerprint. Like External Affairs, or Foreign Relations. When that Prime Minister of India showed off by giving The First Lady Of the USA a valuable piece of jewelry, that had to be countered, otherwise your exalted image would take a hit! You decided to take a basket of Mangoes to the Turkish President’s inauguration. You then specifically instructed the Turkish president to share this with HIS WIFE. HOW were you wrong with this? People, from your country, making hurtful statements and calling you a mango vendor, was TOTALLY UNCALLED FOR!!

Anyways, Shabby, hang in there. There’s going to be elections SOON in your country and your party WILL again rise, like the mythical Phoenix, to get back to being servitors to that (un)educated mob, umm population, within your country. Till then, like my son tells me, CHILL in London and enjoy the warm beers!!!

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2. The views expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of PGurus.