My New Letter Series – Dear Rahul Baba, Been A LOOOONG While…JAI SHRI RAM!!

Let’s move on to what needs to be done to “get back the throne”. It’s owned by your family and rightfully belongs to you Rahul!

Kumar Sridhar

January 21, 2024

Let’s move on to what needs to be done to “get back the throne”. It’s owned by your family and rightfully belongs to you Rahul!

Dear Rahul Baba,

You were busy with the Bharat Jodo Yatra, and then with some trips to the exotic country, Thailand, and Gramma’s house in Italy. After eating all the pasta, goat cheese, and other delicious Italian food, you came back revitalized and immediately started the Bharat Jodo Nyay Yatra. Meanwhile, I was busy doing some insignificant things like working for a living, taking care of my family, and other inconsequential things. Anyways, these are things that most married people do. Nothing to write home about. Moving on…WAIT! I forgot to wish you, Jai Shri Ram!! Having said that, You, your mother and family, and the family enterprise (political party) have decided to boycott the Sri Ram Temple inauguration. I can completely understand why! I mean, Mama DID call Sri Ram an imaginary figure! So what if Pinky goes around saying Jai Ram Ji Ki? How would all y’all face the public if you were to go to the inauguration? The Ram Bhakts claim that Sri Ram killed Ravan and then, flew back on the Pushpak Viman!! REALLY??? Aircrafts only came into being about 100 years ago!! Who’re they trying to fool!!!! On the other hand, Jesus “The Lord” Christ DID walk on water; he did come back to life (we call it Resurrection) and there’s evidence! The water in the Dead Sea still has footprints of Jesus walking on it!

Let’s move on to what needs to be done to “get back the throne”. It’s owned by your family and rightfully belongs to you! All NaMo is doing is just stalling the return of the King! No, I’m not saying King as in King Charles, but YOU! Stay with me, Rahul!! We, I include myself with your honest party people (for political correctness reasons, I can’t say party-men! I’d probably have the National Organization Of Women (NOW) on my behind!)) when I say, the ONLY person capable of taking India to the next level is YOU! You should use this line in your rallies! If god forbid, India goes down one step, you can always say, “I didn’t say next level UP”!! Your economic foresight is something to behold! You’ve rightfully said that unemployment is rising in the country. Granted, the people unemployed are unskilled but they still need to earn a livelihood! Education is NOT important! I am serious, Rahul! Take a look at most of the people within the party and you’ll understand education is not a must to do well in life! What is more important is the willingness (to stoop to any level, your critics claim) to be “resourceful”. Again, your critics claim that “resourceful” implies corrupt practices! Who defines corruption? Is expecting salary corruption? When I was a kid, my dad offered me a wristwatch IF I did well in my exams! Is that corruption? If a job needs to be done, there HAS TO BE fair compensation! If a document needs to be signed by some minister, manager, or even a peon, the person needs to exert effort to sign! That exertion needs to be compensated for!! I lost my train of thought…where was I, Rahul? It’s my age, Baba! Gettin’ on in years!!! Oh yeah, Unemployment!! I mean, for a short while YOU were unemployed too! Many people from your party have been unemployed for the past 10 years! The critics claim this was because they lost the elections!! They’d have won if NOT for the Electronic Voting Machines (EVM) that are being controlled by the NaMo government. Those 20 people who were elected from your party made sure that the EVMs in their constituencies didn’t work! Nothing to beat paper ballots, I agree!! Are you sure it’s 44? Ok, I will take your word for it.

Now, let’s get to serious stuff, Baba. The most important issue currently is…NO, it’s NOT the war going on between Russia and Ukraine, NOR is it the Israel-Hamas conflict, NOR is it the Pakistan-Iran conflict, NOR is it any other war! NO, IT IS DEFINITELY NOT Kashmir and the LOCKDOWN there!!!! It is the re-emergence of Hindutva and the collapse of secularism! You need to emphasize this in your rallies! The Ram Bhakts are increasingly getting to be annoying, if not violent! What do they think of themselves, going around wishing each other with the Jai Shri Ram and Jai Siyaram? What was wrong with the peaceful greeting “Asalaam Alai Kum”? The Ram Bhakts still live in the stone ages, while the minorities live in the 22nd century! Are you sure it’s the 21st? Okay, you’re more intellectually impaired than I am!! Sorry, that was my inner thoughts coming onto the word processor!! What I meant to say was you are an extremely gifted and intelligent person! Moving on, where in History do we find the existence of Sri Ram? NOWHERE!!!

Babar and Aurangzeb (not to forget other Moghul emperors) were extremely secular, and tolerant, people. Babar actually performed Aarti to the mythical figure, Sri Ram, while Aurangzeb built SO MANY TEMPLES FOR THESE HINDUS!!! Sorry, I wasn’t screaming, just clicked on the Caps Lock key on my laptop!! Speaking of laptops, your father was the one who brought laptops to India! I know…I know…laptops came into being only a decade or so ago, and your father died in 1989! But you can use this line in your rallies to convince the sheep, well people, that your party was foresighted! The ignorant masses attending the rallies will believe a person of your integrity and honesty!! I promise you!!

Rahul Baba, we need to meet soon. Let me know when you’re here in New York and you and I can connect! I have some stuff for you that will blow your mind! NO, NOT THAT STUFF! By the way, the governments here, well most of them, have legalized THAT STUFF and you can actually “use” that stuff without getting arrested, like the time when you were in college!

JAI SHRI RAM!! JAI SIYA RAM!!

Note:
1. Text in Blue points to additional data on the topic.
2. The views expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of PGurus.

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