My New Letter Series – Dear Pakistani (Un)Educated Media, Time To Talk Again…

Let’s get to far more interesting and important things, like lying is bad, economy, education, culture and, how could anything be complete without, Kashmir

Kumar Sridhar

February 7, 2024

Let’s get to far more interesting and important things, like lying is bad, economy, education, culture and, how could anything be complete without, Kashmir

Dear Pakistani Media,

Let’s start by clarifying a few things. I have said this before but you don’t seem to understand the beautiful language of English. So, let me explain it in words that you PROBABLY understand; you didn’t get no independence; you was created!! You was just a twinkle in the eye of Jinnah!! Enough butchering the language, let’s get to far more interesting and important things, like lying is bad, economy, education, culture and, how could anything be complete without, Kashmir.

Lying Is Bad: Yep, my parents taught me this, but I lie anyway! When my wife asks me something that I need to do, I usually blame it on the dog, the customer service, or fake a conference call! Sometimes, I lie just for the heck of it!! That’s me! Yeah, I know it’s because I’m a Hindu, and we don’t recite the Kalma that you do! But, when India was partitioned, you claim this was because Hindus and Muslims couldn’t live together! Fair enough! India thanks you for breaking away, even though M K Gandhi was really depressed! You broke into West & East Pakistan. IF THE KALMA was the reason for this partition, what you call Do Kaumi Nazariya (loosely translated, it means Hindus and Muslims living separately), why was Bangladesh formed? That kind of puts to rest your lie about Do Kaumi Nazariya, I could safely assume.

You also claim that Hindus have too many castes. I agree! We do have four castes and they are FOUR TOO MANY! Having said that, could you please explain the many “castes” (experts claim it to be 73) that exist within your “exalted” community? Let’s see, you have Shia, Sunni, Qadyani, and Ahmediya (all though you don’t consider the last two as Muslims. Sunnis also scream “Shia Kafir”. For those unaware of the meaning of Kafir, any non-Muslim is considered Kafir or Infidel). Within Sunni communities, you have so many different sects (to name them, Hanafi, Hanbali, Maliki, and Shafi’i). You get my drift, I assume or would you like me to list the sub-sub-sects? I didn’t think so, but just in case you change your mind I have put a link to the different sects at the bottom of this letter.

Economy: In order for any country to survive, the most important thing is, to have an economy, specifically a balanced economy. What does a balanced economy mean, and entail? Exports and imports are about the same in value. That is, if a country exports 100 billion dollars worth of goods, it imports just about the same or around that value. The rich countries export more than they import, and your country imports nearly everything. Your country claims to be an agricultural country but you don’t have any farmland in your country!! Most of the farmland belongs to the DHA (Defense Housing Authority, for those unaware) and the army’s various defense-related enterprises like diapers, baby food, and such necessary industries. Like Major Arya rightly says, your army is more into industries than the businesses people are.

Just getting a few economists together ain’t going to solve the problem. It needs a concerted effort from the entire country. That means, the people of your esteemed country need to put an effort into building an economy. Realistically, your country is divided into two people: the army and the have-nots! The army receives 80% of your annual budget: let me see, 80% of 1 billion USD is 800 million, leaving 200 million for paying the salaries of different officials. You do get money (approximately 1 billion USD) from the NRP (Non-Resident Pakistani) population. This is promptly distributed among the social services departments like..you gotta help me out..what social services does your country have? OH YEAH!! The PIT (Pakistan Institute of Technology or MADRASA) education system. More importantly, the money is spent paying the salaries of the honorable maulanas and mulvis so they can continue their commendable work, like forcibly getting underaged Hindu girls married to seniors of your community.

Education & Culture: I know. I know, I put these as two different topics up at the top but am combining them here. You see, I have to consider your attention span. You have the attention span of a rabbit looking for food! Anyways, your education is all about the aforementioned PIT. Those fortunate enough to afford college usually end up being lawyers, and government officials, and the super-rich or super-desperate become overseas Pakistanis. Super rich (army brats) usually end up in MY country(the USA), Britain, France, Canada or Australia. The super desperate end up on rowing boats heading to Saudi or the UAE where they are arrested, within weeks of arriving. Their crime: begging at the Holiest of Holy sites, the Q’aba, or on the streets of Dubai. Education can talk a long walk on a short boardwalk! The MADRASA education is more than sufficient!

Your culture leaves nothing to be desired! After all, you are such a confused people, you mix your religion with culture. You watch all Hindi movies, you speak foreign languages (Punjabi and Urdu, both primarily from India). You follow an Arabic religion. By the way, just as a reminder, Urdu was spoken not by Moghuls but by Kayastas in India! Here’s a Burnol moment: Kayastas are Hindus!!

There’s so much more I wanted to say, but my Scotch and Soda can’t wait any longer! Till the next time we “speak”, enjoy the cool feeling of Burnol on your rear end!

Jai Shri Ram

Note:
1. Text in Blue points to additional data on the topic.
2. The views expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of PGurus.

Reference:

[1] Appendix II: Sects in Islam – Al Islam

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