My Letter Series – Dear Chidanand Muni, Building Madrasas On Temple Premises Is Brilliant

People like Chidanand Muni can be called black sheep of Hinduism, they use the name of Hinduism for duping people, grabbing the land, and promoting the Jihadist mentality shamelessly.

Kumar Sridhar

August 3, 2021

People like Chidanand Muni can be called black sheep of Hinduism, they use the name of Hinduism for duping people, grabbing the land, and promoting the Jihadist mentality shamelessly.

Dear Chidanand Muni,

First of all, please let me congratulate you on transforming from Narayan Muni to Chidanand Muni, immediately after the passing of Chidanand Sarawati. The senior Chidanand was not as enlightened as you are. If he was that enlightened, he would have understood the value of land-grabbing, er, getting forced land grants from the government. I think that came out wrong! Getting gifted land from the government! That’s the ticket!! Anyways, getting back to the point, that too, forest areas! Too much is made of the green revolution and protecting natural resources. After all, what good is land if it can’t be used for “the protection of the entire mankind”! You must be a close friend of the national “damad” (Vadra Jiju) who also took control of hundreds of thousands of acres of farmland. But, in your defense, you asked and asked and asked, but no one from the government was ready to give you that forest land. Didn’t Tulsidas say, in his Ram Charit Manas,

बिनय न मानत जलधि जड़ गए तीनि दिन बीति।
बोले राम सकोप तब भय बिनु होइ न प्रीति॥
(When Prabhu Sri Ram was trying to cross the ocean to get to Lanka, the mighty Ocean didn’t understand a loving request from our Prabhu. Then our Prabhu spoke angrily. “without fear, there is no love!”)

Aroraji, before people catch on to our scheme, we need to rename the Jolly Grant Airport to Chidanand Muni International Airport!

You are an incarnation of that Prabhu! So what if he was a slim, handsome guy and you, well, let’s not go there! The point is, umm, I forgot what I was trying to say!!

Anyways, to start from Santosh Arora (your given name) and evolve into Chidanand Muni is nothing but “divine grace” that Narayan bestowed upon you! He also told you that uninhabited land is of no national value if it doesn’t serve the national purpose; that of Hindu-Muslim “Ekta” (unity) and, to that extent, you have done a great job by inviting people from other communities to build Masjids and Madrasas on “wasteland”. Let’s collaborate and see if we can swindle, my mistake, get people to give their gold to the “ashram”[1]. I have an old car and would love to drive the latest BMW 7 Series, but can’t afford it. The gold that people turn in, we can use to procure some amenities for the people; this way they don’t see the BMW as the ONLY thing we have used their gold for. Amenities like 1 bathroom for every 5 rooms in the ashram. With approximately 1000 rooms in the ashram, we would probably have to build 200 bathrooms. Now, I know what you’re thinking: why build bathrooms when there is so much open space that they can use! Swamiji, this is so people from the Tax Department don’t come after us for misappropriation of donations. समझ आया ना (did you understand)? आप तो बड़े समझदार हो (You catch on quickly)!! The remaining money can be used to buy your Lamborghini and my BMW-7 Series. We can also build a petrol pump within the ashram, where we can charge the “bhakt” (devotee) 120 Rs per liter (a nominal 30 rupees extra). We can tell the “andh bhakt” that this 30 Rs will go towards Narayan Seva (everyone wants to do Narayan Seva and will immediately agree). What we DON’T need to tell them is that your first adopted name was Narayan Muni, prior to transforming into Chidanand Muni, and that the Narayan Seva is actually your Seva. भक्त भी संतुष्टऔर हम भी संतुष्ट!!! (The devotees are happy and so are we).

The next step, Santoshji, is to get one of the Mullahs, that you invited to build a masjid on that “gifted” land, to reach out to the WAQF Board and have them lay a claim on that land!! खेल खलास (game over)!! NO ONE HAS THE GUTS to fight that powerful organization. We can tell them to say that Rishikesh is THE ONLY city that DOESN’T have a masjid. What kind of national Ekta (unity) is this, where we bring in minorities to build the ashram but don’t give them a place to pray? Once we say that, the Central government will immediately acquiesce and that’s the end of any opposition!

Muniji, one of the things we definitely needed in Rishikesh is a bar! You did really well with that! At the end of a very tiring day telling the bhakts that Narayan will be blessing them forever, we do need a place where we can go relax and drink some “madira (alcohol) (didn’t Narayan himself drink Madira when he came down in the form of Krishna?) and enjoy some chicken/ mutton with rotis. We could even have beef (let’s use the innocent cows that we have in the goshala) for our food. We could even have a few strip bars, where we can use the good-looking foreign female devotees to provide entertainment for us.

Aroraji, before people catch on to our scheme, we need to rename the Jolly Grant Airport to Chidanand Muni International Airport! Your devotees can come from around the world to get your very divine darshan (sighting), sparshan (touch), and hear your “oh so divine” sambhashan (discourse). The state government will be happy to see such tourism; the center will be happy to see USD flowing in and the locals will be happy that the businesses (I know there are ONLY hotels and restaurants in Rishikesh) are doing well. What we can slowly introduce is our own products like that so-called Baba Ramdev has done! After all, we are much better than that fake Yoga guru!! You may have to lose some weight (you’re about 100 kgs or approximately 250 pounds and may need to bring it down to 50 kgs/ approximately 100 pounds), but that shouldn’t be a problem. One of your devotees is definitely some doctor who can perform liposuction and bring you down to the desired weight.

Sadanand Ji, this is a win-win situation for us! We can transform India into a glorious country, just like it was before May 2014. We can even enlist the services of Soga, who is unemployed now, and would readily help us to bring the same conditions that India was in prior to this NaMo and his so-called Hindu “जागरण”(awakening). Think about my proposal and let’s meet up for a beer and chicken curry with onions kulcha, and discuss this. Till then, Jai Munishwar

Note:
1. Text in Blue points to additional data on the topic.
2. The views expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of PGurus.

References:

[1] Fake Swami Chidanand Saraswati- Who endorses Pseudo Secularism, befriends Maulanas & encroaches Dev Bhoomi – Jul 3, 2021, Trunicle