Dear Sheikh Rashid, keep Endia and rest of the world smiling
Sheikh saab, आपके बारे में क्या बोलूँ? जितना भी कहा जा सकता है, वो कम लगता है (whatever can be said doesn’t fully glorify you). You started your tenure as a Minister (Railways, although there is just one train in your country) for the Imran government by claiming you had nuclear bombs that weighed less than 250 grams that would target JUST the Hindus in India and would leave the Muslims alone. Then you went ahead and claimed the 370/ 35A were एंडिया कि साज़िश (India’s conspiracy). When a reporter said the abrogation of the above laws was a part of the current Indian government’s election manifesto, you said the reporter was a traitor who had betrayed your esteemed country.
In fact, rather than be a sideshow for the greatest circus Pakistan had seen, you became the MAIN SHOW with Immi being the sidekick. The one that came and delivered damning lines (damning to the rest of the world) like “women should dress modestly. After all, men are not robots”. Oh, the people at the Press Club in your country had a good laugh, sipping on their “Pepsi” and soda.
You then had the gall to claim that your eastern neighbor was a रिवैती हरीफ (traditional foe) who wanted to see the end of one of the greatest countries in the world..one that had such geostrategic importance, that NO country in the world would want to piss you off! And, just to spite you, France decided to do JUST THAT! You decided to go after the French BIG TIME! C’était mauvais pour la France (this was bad for France). After all, should the EU decide to take away your GSP+ status, the people that would suffer are the Europeans, not your countrymen (and women). They would have to either buy expensive clothing or walk around naked. Who could give them clothing at throw-away prices? Even if the quality of the clothing was just that, “throw-away”! Scratch that, Rasheed Bhai, the French wear as little clothing as possible anyways!!
The ICC T-20 World Cup victory against India was great! Taught the Hindus that they shouldn’t mess with Islam. You were right in saying this was a victory of Islam over Hinduism. Just between you and I, what about the 12-13 times Pakistan lost to India, Sheikh? Would that be Islam losing to Hinduism? What if Bangladesh and Pakistan played? One team has to lose! Would that be Islam losing at the hands of Islam?
Well, moving on, your statement provoked a response from a former Pakistani cricketer, now a mullah, Waqar Younis. He was absolutely brilliant when he said a player offering his “Namaz” on the field during the game was a treat to watch! Especially, since there were Hindus on the field around him. What was wrong with that statement? After all, Hindus have a need to be shown their place!!! For too long, these Indians (or like you call them, Endians) have been walking around showing off their high technical skills, flashing their money (that should have rightfully been yours), and making life really unbearable in your country. Flying high with their money, their power, and business leadership (IBM, Microsoft, Google, MasterCard to name a few), the Hindus seem to be too big for their boots! After all, apart from their money, their Yoga, their education, their business acumen, their global reach, and global acceptance, there is ABSOLUTELY NO DIFFERENCE between your people and the Hindus. To make them look like world-beaters is ridiculous! In fact, but for the few very minor things mentioned above, you are far better than them!!
You have sacrificed so much to get your globally esteemed country to the heights it has now reached. To start with, unlike the Prime Minister of “Endia”, you were actually unmarried and stayed committed to Pakistan. So what if you had a few trysts that became viral? They were just to “sow your oats” (that’s the last time I eat anything made of oats or look like oats). You are from Kashmir! So what if you sound like a Punjabi! Doesn’t that non-violent Hafeez Sayeed live in Lahore? You’re as Kashmiri as he is! They’re making you look like a clown when you’re really an intellectual with an extremely high observational power! The perfect example of your observational power is when you said “Light travels faster than sound”. You didn’t say that? Einstein (a Jew) said that? Wait, I remember! You discovered the Infinite Series For Pi! No, wrong again? That was discovered by a Hindu?? So why exactly does the media in your country call you an intellectual for? I’m sure they have reasons. After all, like everything else in your country (the army and the ISI to name a few), the media is also the best in the world.
You are valuable to the country, Sheikh! If not your country, at least to “Endia”, where people use you as a form of entertainment. Rightfully, you should be in Bollywood playing along with Aryan’s dad! But who am I to judge your acting prowess. You probably are better than him; life is just unfair Sheikh! You are funnier than most Indian comedians and yet, you don’t get paid 1% of what they get paid! Grossly unfair.
Anyways, keep doing what you are doing…it keeps India and the rest of the world smiling at the genius of Rasheedbhai!
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2. The views expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of PGurus.
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