My New Letter Series – Dear Bollywood, Your Outrage Is Justifiable

What we have witnessed over the last few weeks indicates an important new factor in the Bollywood industry

August 24, 2022

Dear Bollywood,

Boycott Laal Singh Chaddha!! Boycott Aamir Khan!! Boycott Pathan!! Boycott Shah Rukh Khan!! Boycott Raksha Bandhan!! Boycott Akshay Kumar!! What kind of people would boycott good cinema? People worked hard to create these good movies which were meant to educate, and entertain (in that order) the sheep…err, I mean people!! People should realize the importance of your industry. Just like the textile industry provides clothing to the people and the farmers provide food, Bollywood provides entertainment. Will people boycott any of the other industries mentioned above for a VERY MINOR INDISCRETION? I don’t think so; then why boycott the most essential industry known to humankind, the Bollywood industry?? Without the entertainment industry, India’s population would be WAY ABOVE 2 billion!! Economists talk about the 4 basic necessities people have, i.e, Food, Clothing, Shelter, and Others Entertainment. What, entertainment is NOT what the economists said? Maybe they should include it, otherwise, as I said earlier, India’s population will be way more than a whopping 2 billion!!

Arjun Kapoor is absolutely right when he told the Hindus to “apni aukat me raho”; loosely translated, this means “don’t try to disrespect Bollywood”! And he’s absolutely right!! Who do these NASTY Hindus think they are?? Disrespecting Mr. Perfectionist! Next, they’re going to disrespect THE KING! After that, Sallu Bhai, or as fans love to call him, “Bhai”; is not to be mistaken for the “Bhailog” that runs the non-violent Mumbai mafia although, both Bhai and Bhailog seem to behave the same gentlemanly and absomloominglootly non-violent way!

What are people thinking, giving “The Kashmir Files” over 1 billion INR but making Mr. Perfectionist grovel for 370 million INR?! Really, people? Is that what you think of him? Aamir and his former wife were absolutely correct in saying “India was intolerant”! Prove to me that you folks aren’t!! So, flushin’ what if it was a sad remake (and aah mean SAD, with a Southern accent) of Forrest Flushin’ Gump!! I know, I know, many of us (me excluded) were not even born when this Forrest Gump was made, but SO FLUSHIN’ WHAT? I wasn’t there when Mother India (the movie) was made, but I’ve been told again and again that it is the best movie EVER made by Bullywood…oops, sorry, Bollywood. I haven’t said anything about Mughal-E-Azam, the other movie, yawn, that people will tell you is the best movie ever!! I was (un)fortunate enough to see this movie in my younger days. I don’t remember ever sleeping better than that day at the movies. Quite possibly the best sleeping potion one could ask for! So, yeah, one has many reasons to be thankful to Bollywood, but most of all, I’m thankful that Bollywood has been making movies that assisted me in my quest to sleep!!!

Then we have the Biggest Super Star Ever, Taapsee Pannu, who was begging the people of India to boycott her movie! She was just kidding folks! You guys took that seriously and actually boycotted her movie! Now, the “Mithu” star is actually going pillar to post asking WHY people take her seriously! Good question, Taapi baby!! Why would people take your words seriously?? Especially when you also said, later on, that the movie was all LITTLE TOO INTELLECTUAL for the Indian audience! Taapi baby, first of all, let’s assume for a minute that you’re right. Stay with me, Taapi! So, as I was saying, the people are not as intellectual as you. Why would you and the director make a movie that YOU ALREADY KNEW WAS TOO intellectual for them? But, I digress.

You’ve made a movie and people should’ve given it at least one chance! To tell the others that a Telugu movie, Karthikeya 2, is going to be a super hit and ALL Bollywood movies are going the Laal Singh Chaddha way is really shameful! Are Telugu and Kannada movies better than Bullywood?? How? In what universe is that possible? How does one compare NTR Jr to a legend like Aamir Khan, a swashbuckling hero like Salman, ONLY 56 years YOUNG, to an aging NTR Jr (39 years OLD)? Or to Yash, aging 36 years OLD!!

But, people are, like you said Taapi, incomprehensible. Huh? You didn’t understand? The word incomprehensible means “can’t understand”. Like, it’s incomprehensible that an intellectual like you (at least, you’ve made it clear that you’re an intellectual) can’t understand the meaning of the word, incomprehensible!! But movin’ on!

RRR and KGF-2 EACH made at least 1.2 billion INR while THE LEGEND makes 370 million INR! That’s something that people will HAVE TO PAY FOR!! Tell you what, let’s stop making movies and see how people will like seeing ONLY NTR Jr and the guy, Yash and others from the South 365 days every year! They will come back groveling and ask that all y’all start making movies again. So what if that’s 10 years from now? Ok, Salman, Aamir, Sha(The King)Rukh are all wearing pampers and walking around using walkers! Even then, they’d be better than all of the actors from the south, put together!

Let’s ask all your actor, director, and producer friends in Amchi Mumbai to STOP making movies for the next 10 years. Things will change and y’all will be riding the skies again!!

Note:
1. Text in Blue points to additional data on the topic.
2. The views expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of PGurus.

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