My New Letter Series – Dear (Ex?) PM Imran Khan, Should I Congratulate You Or Bid You Goodbye?

Immi, let me know what the situation is and we can have another “Jalsa” in London, where all the former PMs and Presidents from your country end up

Kumar Sridhar

March 30, 2022

Immi, let me know what the situation is and we can have another “Jalsa” in London, where all the former PMs and Presidents from your country end up

Dear PM Imran Khan,

Immi, Its’ been an interesting 4 years. You came in as the “Tabdeeli” (Change) Prime Minister. You promised the (hapless?) Pakistani population jobs, food, rivers of honey, and the one thing people sought, an improvement in the image of your country. And, you know what, you did all you set out to achieve as well as bring a lot (I MEAN A LOT) more change in your country. It’s just that people didn’t realize your worth. After all, you ARE A SUPERSTAR (YOU STILL ARE) in cricket. People still wait in lines to get a glimpse of you. They consider themselves blessed after getting a SIGHT of you. That’s how big A SUPERSTAR you are. You stand on the balcony of your hotel room (or Bani Gala, whichever is closest to you) and see, and wave at, the thronging millions!! Anyways, how could your people forget that? I mean, yeah, food, clothing, and shelter are important but not as important as getting a glimpse of YOU!! Wait that’s the Pope! Anyways, to top this, the politicos in your party are walking away from you! YOU!! THE SUPERSTAR THAT GOT THEM THE WORLD CUP IN 1992! Not even India did that!!! Wait, scratch that, they’ve got three of them (2 in the 50-Over game and 1 in the T20).

Even then, you did get them the WC. So what if Javed Miandad and Ramiz Raja were the best performers with the bat and Akram was the bowler who got the most wickets? Who took care of the intangibles? Like motivating the players when the going was tough? Or, keeping the female fans away from the players like Akram and Jared Miandad! Well, maybe not Javed! It’s not your fault that those femme fatale ended up in your room!! So what if you missed more games than you played, during this WC? Well, getting back to your accomplishments in the past 3 years, there are too many to talk about!

Now, you face a political challenge, the likes of which you have never faced before. Something like facing Marshal, Garner, Roberts, and Holding, without the luxury of a helmet, pads, and “the cup”. By the time this article is published, one of two things could have happened: 1. You lose the vote of confidence (NOT GOOD) or 2. You win the vote of confidence (Great).

Let us analyze these two scenarios, Immi.. may be good to review your performance, as well, since you did claim your administration has been the best in the past 50 years. No, I will not go into your country’s shady history over the past 50 years, but I will review your performance. After all, why rake up the past and show you in a bad light? Being a big fan of yours (not in cricket but in politics), I do wish you to continue, as PM, for the next 20 years (or 4 marriages, whichever comes last). You’re now getting close to 70 (October 5th, you will be 70). Not too old for a guy to get onto a horse and take the ride in the Baraat (North Indian festivities) party to your 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th weddings. Which 90 year old can claim that (you’ll be 90 by the time you hit the 7th “inning stretch “)? Movin’ On!!

You’ve taken an economy that was artificial and made it REAL!! Artificial, because your country’s economy, up until 2018, grew on grants and soft loans from my country (the USA, Immi). Kinda like a runner for an injured player, if you will. Your country’s economy was “injured” and the US of A, through grants and soft loans, kept your “inning going”! Then, YOU ENTERED!! WOW! The Sultan of Pakistani cricket who brought them the WC! You had built a team of people that knew exactly what the problem was and how to solve it! Just like you did in ’92! Again, so what if most of them were just plain incompetent and wouldn’t recognize their left hand from the right hand!! Speaking of which, I didn’t realize I had a skin tag on the top of my right wrist!! Waddayaknow!!

Let’s assume for a minute, just an assumption Immi, that you lose the No-Confidence motion. Your country is going into a very bad situation that you had SO diligently brought them out of! Taking a Pakistani Rupee from 182/ USD to 105/ USD..wait, that was the other way around? Ok, so you took your exports that didn’t exist, prior to you, and grew them to USD 5 Billion! Wait, I’m being told by my wife that contradicts what I just said! I am going to copy and paste that as it’s pretty complicated and intense. “Stupid, he took exports from USD 5 billion to NOTHING”! NOTE TO WIFE: Huh, honey, why’d you call me stupid when you know I cut and paste everything!! END NOTE. Anyways, Immi, you’ve got to help me give your image a facelift!! I thought it was going to be easy, Immi, but just like the cricket matches you played, nothing seems to be as easy as one would like it to be. So Immi, rather than me sitting here thinking of what to write, why don’t you tell me what to write. I mean, you already do that with your electronic and print media. By the way, nice job sending them the write-ups in Punjabi; I agree, their English sounds like Punjabi!!

Immi, your “Jalsa” (A Gathering) recently where you told your admirers that the west along with India, was out to get you and remove your government! How true! I mean, from Day-1, Modi has done nothing good for his country but has been sitting with his cabinet dreaming up new ways to remove you. Now he has helping hands, in the form of Macron, Ole Joe Biden, Japan, Germany (they’re neighbors aren’t they? That’s why I put them next to each other), Australia (they’re just trying to get back at you for what you did on those Sydney and Perth pitches when you repeatedly took 10 wickets in an innings) and the Arab countries! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!!! THE ARABS!! Who the hell do they think they are? They wouldn’t survive a day without your money!! Wait, again my wife tells me it’s the other way around!!

Anyways, Immi, let me know what the situation is and we can have another “Jalsa” in London. Isn’t that where all the former PMs and Presidents from your country end up?

Note:
1. Text in Blue points to additional data on the topic.
2. The views expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of PGurus.

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