Dear Immi,
I did see you, on your way to the court wearing a toilet bowl on your head, sorry bucket. Damn, I hate autocorrect! I typed bullet bulletproof helmet and autocorrect showed a 😊and corrected me with a toilet bowl, then bucket!! Anyways, hope you’re getting your daily workouts, your daily visitors and your cook is preparing your food to suit your needs. I hear you don’t get to eat the same food that the rest of your companions eat! That’s good! There has to be some method of differentiating between common third-class prisoners and you! YOU! The LAST Prime Minister of Pakistan selected, oops elected, by the very intellectual people of your country.
Speaking of intellectuals, how does one differentiate between intellectuals and common people (some people call them JAAHIL (uneducated))? It’s a very fine line (some intellectuals from outside Pakistan claim there is NO difference) and needs an EVEN MORE clear demarcation. Intellect is very subjective! Some would argue that people like Dr Pervez Hoodbhoy are a rarity in your country. I disagree! What does Hoodbhoy have that, as an example, YOU don’t? So, he studied at MIT! So what? You studied at an even more prestigious educational institution, Oxford! So, he studied Engineering and Physics! BIG DEAL! Can he claim to have ANY knowledge of Philosophy, Politics, and Economics? NO!!! You can claim to have knowledge of Physics! Whatever goes up must come down! Like your unfortunate tenure as PM! You, on the other hand, studied those “SO NECESSARY to everyday life” areas and became an expert in those areas! Let’s disseminate these areas and your contributions to them, shall we?
Economics: During your time as PM, you envisioned leading the country to being economically independent of any foreign interference. How did you go about doing this, some people ask? You did suggest some GROUND-BREAKING methods. Grow avocados, you said. People laughed but there’s logic behind everything you suggest. Avocados are a great source of protein. NO!! Does it have more carbohydrates than protein? ARE YOU SURE? Anyways, avocados are eaten around the world and would earn a lot of money per avocado (about 1 USD or 300 PKR). I love guacamole as do many other people here in the US of A. If each person grows 1000 avocados per year, that translates to 300,000 PKR annually. Multiply that into 250 million people and WOAH!! I can’t even calculate how much money that translates to! Your country would be an economic giant! So what if water is a scarcity? You asked them to grow this when India floods your southern areas (India falsely claims this is releasing water as it’s flooding India). OH! You’re right, you don’t have dams to store this water!! However, I remember a Chief Justice from your country who collected 10 PKR from each one of your esteemed citizens, promising to build a dam. The last I heard, he was in some PHOREN country, far away from Pakistan! Oh, I am so glad, I am wrong! He is now working on the plans with architects and engineers? That too, Pakistani architects and engineers, from the world, ranked research-intensive Lahore University of Management Sciences (LUMS)? Wow!! This is DEFINITELY going to be an architectural marvel!! Did you say this was being built in Punjab? But the floods are happening in Sindh! AAAH, there’s a need for dams in Punjab!! Makes sense!!
You also asked your people to cultivate chickens so they’d give you eggs! These they could sell and earn a profit! Over a period of time, this would translate into a lot of money (again, it’s beyond my math to calculate the amount of revenue generated by this ground-breaking method)! It’s unfortunate that people didn’t understand your suggestion and ate both the chicken and the eggs!! REALLY UNFORTUNATE!
You knew your country needed to get economic independence and put an economic embargo on transactions with India! People needed to be motivated to grow their own produce, like tomatoes and potatoes, not to forget onions! It’s not your fault that ALL agricultural land has become DHA property (DHA – Defense Housing Authority). You asked Bajwa NOT to build housing in these areas but, like he has done all the time, he didn’t listen to you! But, it was a GREAT move, to stop ANYTHING FROM India coming into your country! SO WHAT if the price of tomatoes and onions went from 30 PKR per kilogram to 300 PKR! India needed to be taught a lesson! And boy, did you teach them a lesson!! So what if India went from the 6th largest economy to the 5th and is getting ready to become the 4th (or 3rd)? So what if your country doesn’t rank in the top 100 economies!
Politics: Once you were done with cricket, you used your education to start a political party that stood for justice, equality, freedom, and ALL the other good stuff that people need. People may call you U-Turn Khan! Show me JUST ONE politician who HAS NOT taken a U-turn? Narendra Modi went from hardcore Hindu to encouraging ALL communities! That’s a big U-turn! Polity is constantly evolving! Democracies constantly evolve! The biggest example is my country, the US of A, which went from Christians ONLY to accepting people from other faiths! The VP of the US of A is part Hindu, part Christian! A contestant for the POTUS is A BRAHMIN! That’s evolving!!
Likewise, you initially didn’t want to be a part of the American caucus and wanted to be “non-aligned”! Then, you suggested becoming like China where you didn’t see dissent from anyone! You then saw Erdogan (President of Turkey) change his laws to make him President for 10 years and you recommended the same. However, Bajwa didn’t agree! He kept up the tradition of a Pakistani PM NEVER completing his/ her tenure! I believe the average lifespan of a Pakistani PM is about three and a half years!
Philosophy: The only philosophy that has dictated your very existence has been the one mandated by the HOLIEST OF HOLY books! The one that tells the truth about how the earth came into existence, how man was created; how the women need to be subjugated (into servitude, some women claim, although I don’t agree with them). You fought for the minorities to be given the same respect that the majorities got; again, Bajwa put a stop to this “ridiculous” ask!
All in all, you were quite the Prime Minister. I do have something to ask of you! Could you do me a favor and tell your people that Pakistan DOES NOT WANT to be a part of the G20! You’re quite happy with being the leader of the PRICKS (Pakistan, Rwanda, Iraq, Chad, Kazakistan, Somalia) group!
Note:
1. Text in Blue points to additional data on the topic.
2. The views expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of PGurus.
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