Dear Queen Elizabeth (Liz),
By the time this article is published, you probably have reached the ultimate destination that awaits us all. Hindus and I’m a proud Hindu, believe all of us are going to heaven (Hell is what we mortals live in now!)! Having said that, the cries, from the different countries comprising the Commonwealth, to return the artifacts, that, they wrongly claim, belong to them, are rising (Woof, that was a LONG sentence)!
Let’s start from the very beginning, it’s a very good place to start (apologies to the ever-beautiful Julie Andrews for stealing her famous song)! When countries “became” willing members of the Commonwealth, what did they expect? The name itself suggests what was going to happen. The wealth belonging to these “volunteering” countries was going to be used for the “common good of the different countries.” Like the Elgin Marbles (although the country, Greece, was NOT a part of the Commonwealth) or The Kohinoor diamond (voluntarily given by India after a few “friendly” persuasive interactions)!
Some question, what the Commonwealth has to do with common wealth. Duh! Doesn’t the name suggest what the relationship is? The wealth “gifted” (I hate when people call this stealing because it was DEFINITELY WAS NOT stealing) by the various “volunteer” countries was taken with gratitude and decorated your boudoir and your person. Would it NOT be an insult IF you returned these “gifts” to these gifters (is that a real word? It should be)! Additionally, wouldn’t these “gifters” want you, The Queen, to look good? How would anyone respect you if you were plain, or worse, in rags? Not that you were in rags, Q Liz, but you get my drift. I hope…
The Bible says, “Thou Shalt covet”, right? No? Are you sure? It says “Thou Shalt Not Covet”??? Wait, that doesn’t make any sense! Q Liz, you were Christian to the core (did I say that right? It doesn’t sound right, but you get the drift) and wouldn’t go against what the Good Book says! You didn’t want any of those gifts! You didn’t “covet” anything! All you ever wanted was Peace and Harmony! You should’ve named your dogs Peace & Harmony because the Empire never let you have any peace and you tried but couldn’t get any harmony! Basically. QL, you could do what I do (wait, you’re not with us anymore so it doesn’t matter) whenever I need P&H. I go into my room (yeah, would you believe it I have my own room…it’s also called the basement), turn on the most soulful AND spiritual song I’ve ever heard, a song by ABBA (Nina Pretty Ballerina) and drink myself to sleep. The song mixed with Scotch, 2 large bowls of ice cubes, ice, lime, and whatever else I can find) calms me down. The trick is in how much scotch you put in. I usually buy a 1.75 litre bottle so I put 50% of it (along with about 6 big-sized lemons).
Now, Q, can I call you Liz? It feels like I’m 007 addressing the crazy but lovable scientist! So, Liz, you must be wondering what I’d do with the ice that I still haven’t used! Good question: that is for the giant-sized hangover I get when I wake up in the afternoon (or evening, whichever comes last). I dip my head in the ice, scream my lungs out, and the ln…but, I digress (I’m famous for that! I did ask my doctor about this habit, Liz and he..here I go again)!!
Liz, what about the jewelry that Indians wear? Logic suggests that should’ve belonged TO YOU! What logic? The same logic, some call it twisted logic but what the hell do they know, that made the K diamond yours! Why did I call it the K diamond? Is it because my name begins with a K? You’re not only smart but observant too! Yep, call it the K diamond, and people, like yours truly, can lay a claim on it!!!
Anyways, your son is now employed. I know, I know, sometimes it takes a little time for people to find their calling in life. He took ONLY 73 years but hopefully, he stays employed. Usually here in the USA, at that age, people are collecting social security. He’s busy collecting other people’s social security! That’s good. He should! How? Well, look at the jewelry and the other “gifts” that you have. It should be around 200 trillion USD (and I’m being cautious in throwing numbers around). That would pay for the social security of 75-80% of the people from the Commonwealth countries!
Countries like India, where the people walk around half-naked, and fully starved would become world leaders. World Leaders!! We can’t have some “coolie” dictating terms to a suave, sophisticated Englishman, can we? Stands to reason, then, that King Charles III should retain the family jewels!! No, I’m not talking of “those jewels”, but those jewels that the family has had for over a century! Liz, I’m getting tired and will now need to get some rest. You, I guess, are already resting somewhere in Windsor. Take care and say hi to Phil.
1. Text in Blue points to additional data on the topic.
2. The views expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of PGurus.
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