Dear PM Shehbaz,
You have become as big, if not bigger, a legend than Immi is! All he had was the phrase, आपने घबराना नहीं है” (you shouldn’t be scared); all the while, he was scared himself! Some would say, he was telling himself not to be scared! Reassuring himself, others would claim!! You, on the other hand, were able to secure a non-repayable loan of $3B!! Non-repayable only because you haven’t repaid the first loan you EVER secured from the IMF!! Some idiots, sitting in India, call you बेगैरत (a person with no self-respect). THEY’RE IDIOTS!! I call you a genius! I mean, think about it! There’s no need to work, no need to worry about what the boss is going to say, you sit at home and eat all the halal meats (and some haram too; remember, Jinnah’s favorite food was pork chops and pork sausages, and your country’s citizens still respect him).
Now, here’s an idea that might get your country out of the perpetual economic crisis that exists! Instead of keeping a Ministry of Finance, why don’t you make that Ministry of IMF Interaction? The person leading this has (HAS) to have worked with either the US OF A or with the IMF. Your country has allowed dual citizenship so hire someone with an American citizenship (no, I’m not talking about your military leadership).
Education is an optional necessity (that’s an oxymoron but your country is filled with oxymorons! No, I’m not calling you an ox nor am I calling you a moron. I wouldn’t insult an ox and you’re definitely not a moron!! An oxymoron is like calling yourselves ग़ैरतमन्द (self-respecting people) while standing outside the IMF offices, waiting for a handout!! People laugh at you!! I would recommend that you stop doing that, but it’s your country, so you make that choice!!
The other oxymoron that comes to mind is buying Indian produce and products from Dubai AFTER imposing a “trade ban” with India. Granted this was imposed by the other legend, Immi. Again, your country…your choice!! Better still, let Syed Asim Munir Ahmed Shah (wow? That’s a mouthful), the new army chief make that choice.
Now that you know what an oxymoron is, let’s look at another word Contradiction. The meaning is, well, it’s difficult to explain so let me give you examples. A contradiction is saying “हम ग़ैरतमन्द लोग हैं” (we are self-respecting people) but still asking for funds from the various financial institutions. Another example would be your Army chief saying “हम इंडिया को घुस के मारेंगे” (we will penetrate and defeat India) but then call off all war exercises because of a lack of fuel! So, Sumit Peer, one of those people sitting in India, asked “How will they attack if they don’t have fuel?” What Mr. Peer should understand is that your country has many surprises for India, like JF-17 Thunder on a बैल गाड़ी (bullock cart). Yeah, you still haven’t figured out how to drop the N-bomb without killing your own people but, all you need is time! You’ll figure that out eventually!!
Now, onto more important things like Azad Kashmir. Let’s have a conversation with those Kashmiri people about joining your party, the PML-N. Even though they’re, some would dispute this, “an independent nation”, they should think about the greater good of human beings (read as Pakistan). So what if you don’t have enough food to feed your Punjab? The Baloch, the Sindhis, the Pashtuns, and all the other states can fend for themselves!! Whatever your Punjab has will be shared with those in Azad Kashmir. That’s what humanity is all about! No? Oh, you said “No” to Punjab sharing with Kashmir! Whatever is in Azad Kashmir will be “shared” with your Punjab! Oh I see, they’re already “sharing” their resources with you!! From what I hear, you’re taking all their resources and leaving nothing for them! Oh I see, it’s a blatant lie to discredit you! So, I guess, the same applies to Balochistan, where the people claim you take all their natural resources and then “screw” them!! Again, a blatant lie?? Yep, I agree…the Baluchis are not Moaib-E-Watan (patriots of the country)!
Secondly, this self-respect is very overrated! What use is self-respect when I don’t have food, or in your case a buffet, to put on the table? “ग़ैरत जाये भाड़ में!!” (Self-respect can take a long walk on a short boardwalk). “मुझे ढेर सारा खाना चाहिए” (I need plenty of food). I’m a vegetarian but I can imagine the situation when you don’t have all the meats (halal and haraam) on the table with the, ahem “7-Up” (I think that’s what it is called in your country. I mean, I have had quite a few 7-Up bottles and never got drunk but to each, his own. Personally, I prefer Scotch and ice or Spiced Rum and Soda). You call it 7-Up, the rest of the world calls it Rum and Coke. Self-respect takes a back seat when a buffet and 7-Up cannot be served. First things first, people need food and drink. “फिर से कहता हूँ, ग़ैरत जाये भाड़ में” (I repeat what I said earlier, Self-respect can take a long walk on a short boardwalk).
Shabby, it’s important that one realize the strategic importance of your country. Let’s see: Your country is in a position that allows access to the rest of the world. Correct me if I’m wrong but a flight from Los Angeles to the Dulles airport in Washington DC has to stop over in Islamabad for refueling! That’s how strategically important your country is. I even heard that a train from Leningrad to Moscow has to stop over in your KPK (Khyber Pakhtun Khwa) area for refreshments! Not true? Are you sure? Oh I see, it is not KPK but Karachi (the southern tip of your country)!! I knew it begins with a K, but being a Kafir, how’d I know the different areas beginning with K.
Anyways, Shabby, I have advised the POTUS to nominate you for a Nobel Peace Prize. Not sure he heard it as he was busy dusting himself off after tripping over himself. I know, how does one do that? I guess just like one keeps losing the headphones while being interviewed. Keep doing what you’re doing as it provides great entertainment, scratch that and replace it with insight into your thought process.
Note:
1. Text in Blue points to additional data on the topic.
2. The views expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of PGurus.
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