Dear RaGa,
You’ve been in the news a lot lately…for all the right reasons. You went on a Bharat Jodo Yatra (BJY) across the length and breadth of India. Then you went on a Bharat Todo Yatra (BTY) to the UK. I do have a question, though…during the BJY, you had this very unshaven look. I know, I know, when NaMo, the self-proclaimed PM of India, sports a beard, nobody says a word. And yet, when you try the same thing, people want to know if you’re doing financially well!! That’s because, if you remember during the demonetization time, you walked to an ATM with a hole in your pocket! You remember!! Good! So, people are now concerned about your financial well-being, that’s all!! I know, your mother is one of the most wealthy women in the world [all honestly earned thro her “professional” career (sorry, I had to clear my throat, I wasn’t laughing..I pinky promise! No, not your sister Pinky but..never mind!)]
Anyways, returning to the BJY, you kept going in and out of temples, getting the priests to do Arthi, and ensuring the media captured you praying! And the media was good! No second thought about them! They lapped it up like Pidi, your pet! Now, the picture they painted was exactly what you need, one of a serious contender for the highest office an intellectual, like yourself, deserves. You did so well in the speeches you gave across the country! You, rightly mentioned Lord Ram, Lakshman, Bharat, and Sahadev when referring to The Mahabharat! You said Shatrughn? Oh, wow! I could’ve sworn it sounded like Sahadev! Do I know who Sahadev is? Of course, I do!! Any 4th-grade student will tell you Sahadev was Ravana’s older brother!! Yay, we both got it right!!
Coming back to what I was saying: After all, you’re going up against someone who has absolutely no class, no intellect (to speak of), no charisma, and nothing to differentiate him from the rest of the population after drinking a glass of castor oil!! No, I’m not talking about Kharge, although that’s a good guess. Yep, second time lucky! NaMo! I mean what does he have that you don’t?? You were educated at Stanford (I think I have the college right) while he got it at the world-famous IGOU (nope, that’s not a word but an acronym for the Indira Gandhi Open University). I’m serious! That’s what the University is called! Don’t laugh, Rahul! It’s not polite to say your grandmother never attended any university, why name something after her, although you’re right!! You have a girlfriend in Thailand; he has no friends (girls or boys)!! Oh sorry, I didn’t know your girlfriend was a secret that the press wasn’t supposed to know!
Second, you speak the English language like the queen (of Sweden), with the right number of breaks in every sentence (about 30 breaks in a sentence containing 10, or less, words is HIGHLY recommended!!) I know, I know, it’s boring talking to people so you try to stay awake mentally singing one or more Bohemian rhapsodies, but we don’t need to tell people that, do we? Or, you are, sometimes, translating your sentence from Italian to English (or Hindi)!! Again, we don’t need to tell people that!!
Moving to your BTY, you tried to explain to those British people, the very same people that elected Rishi Sunak as their PM (go figure) the ridiculous foreign policies that are being implemented by NaMo and his unqualified foreign minister! I mean, see the difference between a quality foreign minister like Manmohan Singh, who did wonders with his eloquence, and a very reticent “leave me alone” type of guy that is Dr. Jaishankar! Why would anyone talk about the current EAM when an undisputed king of foreign affairs existed in MMS??
Why do people think you’re bad-mouthing your mother’s adopted country? You love India just as much as your mother does! All we want is that people to realize they’re being taken away from the “true path” [these are the words uttered by the Greatest Mahatma that ever lived, no not your great grandfather but M K Gandhi (the guy who copied your last name, to gain recognition)].
The truth is, one needs to understand and realize, the real essence of Hinduism. Like you truly did. You (mis)quote the Bhagwad Geeta and people either object or laugh! The true sanyasi that you are, you laugh with them. They’re under the impression that you laughed at the “misquote” but the truth is, you were laughing at their ignorance!! And they call you Pappu!! The irony!!
Rahul Baba, you’ve frequently demonstrated your prowess in martial arts and the need for physical fitness! Is there anything wrong with that? I don’t think so, and neither does anyone in the world! So, why do people derisively ask, “what about mental fitness “? I mean, only if your body is fit will your mind work! So first we focus on (y)our physical fitness, then we can collectively focus on (y)our mental fitness!
One thing I need to ensure you never do: DO NOT ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THE TYPE OF DEMOCRACY INDIA IS! No. I’m not shouting, just emphasizing! Why shouldn’t you answer? Because these radical Hindus will immediately say, secularism is supposed to be “separation of state and religion, but you’ve taken complete control of the temples, so where’s the secularism?” Like it was your fault!! Your mother decided to do that, scratch that, the then Prime Minister decided to do that, and people are blaming you? If that’s such a bad idea, why has the current government not taken any decision to remove it? It’s obvious the government thinks this is a GREAT idea!!! And some Hindutva idiots ask this question: the WAKF board controls the largest amount of land, and yet it isn’t monitored by the government? Do they even understand that the WAKF board is a private group, not unlike the temples?
Anyway, Rahul, I will try to stay focused on your message rather than the content in itself! I can’t promise for the others…you know, they’re all negative Nandus and Nandinis (I had to Indianize it from Negative Nellie, for the people to relate to this). Stay focused on the BJY AND BTY (when you’re out of India) and one day, even if it means when you’re walking, with the assistance of a walker, YOU WILL BE THE PRIME MINISTER! Even if it is the PM Of Pakistan !!
Note:
1. Text in Blue points to additional data on the topic.
2. The views expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of PGurus.
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